It’s A Party!!

I Prou, being of sound mind but unsound spirit -momentarily though- invite you to a pity party right here, yes where you just set your foot into. My doorstep

Kindly bring with you

• Your version of “woe is me” the more pitiable the better
• Hankies both paper and cloth
• Shoulders so we can lean on each other in turn
• No hugs! you may leave them next to the flower pots at the entrance and pick them on your way out.
• A bottle of something you think is safe for human consumption (alcohol is not!)
• Stories with morals, the fire and brimstone variety.
• No words of encouragement
• A Danielle Steel book turned into a movie or both I need a trigger for the tears as they are not coming out

Anything else I might overlooked please feel free to add.

I have containers for the overflowing tears and please do tell me your worst experiences in this life I might just pick myself up from the dumps. If you are prone to having dry eyes through those labor scenes on TV when the little human makes a grand entrance onto Planet Earth, I will make sure onions do the trick.

We shall endeavor to not call His name in vain, not color the air with expletives (M 2005) and generally have a miserably, pitiably good time.

I am cooking but might need help clearing up.

Menu: Dead things only.

Time: Starting now.

Dress Code: Just cover the mentionabos I do not think I’m in a state to notice.

Tafadhari pris myusiam, bring with you this invitation.

Ample parking available.

Gatecrashers, boot leggers, hooligans, stalkers, coat hangers na kadhalika allowed.

RSVP

A Perfect Day

When you come to the end of a perfect day,

And you sit alone with your thought,

While the chimes ring out with a carol gay,

For the joy that the day has brought,

Do you think what the end of a perfect day

Can mean to tired heart,

When the sun goes down with a flaming ray,

And the dear hearts have to part?

Well, this is the end of a perfect day,

Near the end of a journey, too,

But it leaves a thought that is big and strong,

With a wish that is kind and true.

For mem'ry has painted this perfect day

With colors that never fade,

And we find at the end of a perfect day,

The soul of a friend we've made.

Carrie Jacobs-Bond (1862-1946)

School Days are here Again

Like most people I have had my fair share of circumstances that make me wish the earth would swallow me. However unlike some people I have learnt my lessons well. I hasten to add though that just because I do not behave like a moron does not mean that the capacity to exhibit moronic tendencies is lacking deep down in the recesses of my person.
Take for example an incident at my sister’s school last year.

Temporary digression here.
I was in a girls only school too, I remember the rules, the atmosphere and how every single composing part relates to the other. When they cheer wildly on TV at the exemplary results achieved by the girls at the end of their four years there, I cannot help but wince momentarily at what could have been.

Looking back, I have no idea how I survived the system without major damage to any of my human faculties and functions. These institutions have the most ridiculous of rules. The first one that was on my list on admission to form one was “no borrowing and no lending”. I think we all know how inapplicable that one is. We borrowed everything from make up to school uniform, to beds, buckets books and there was no one to enforce it. But then again rules are made to be broken.

I had forgotten how it felt like to be in high school. We can safely say there has been a lot of water under this particular bridge, overflowing that it washed the sensations away.

Back on track


She was doing her final year, the sweetest girl I ever came across but then again she is my sister so I may be biased. My visit over, I had brought her some food so we carried them over to her dorm which was nearer to the gate. I spent exactly 3.5 minutes waiting for her to lock her box and we stepped out.
At the entrance, we meet a man frothing at the mouth and my soft side emerges as I wonder whether he is sick. Then he starts speaking in tongues and am hard pressed to understand what he is saying as it is meant for my ears. So I slow down tell him to calm down and speak a little slower.
"Madam umeingia kwa dorm." I nod wondering what it is leading to.
"Unajua sheria haitaki ufanye hivyo".
The light bulb goes on in my head. I’m a little slow when it comes to some things.
So I ask ' kuna shida?
Mbona umeingia kwa dorm?
I am getting really pissed of at this line of questioning and I am about to ask him what a male is doing within the precincts of the girls sleeping quarters as I have passed through the system and I know the drill.
I check myself and tell him sorry I did not know. Why you didn’t stop me? Didn’t I pass you by the entrance? At what point did you realize the astounding connection between my entering the dorm and the existing school rules?
"Madam wacha kuleta madharau."
Please note this is the school watchman in charge of taking care of the school entrance and the security situation of about 700 students and staff members.
He has decided to dedicate a whole twenty minutes to a harmless lady who was on her way out.
So I tell my sister let me leave take care of you and....
The frothing at the mouth starts afresh. We are supposed top go and see the teacher. I ask the girls we are with if this is OK will not bring them any trouble. Then hell breaks loose.
The stupid watchie grabs my shoulder and attempts to drag me to the staff room. I stop look at him straight in the eye and tell him to remove the appendage from my personal space. The tone of my voice persuades him to drop his hand and he proceeds to his little keja by the gate to grab a nyaunyo swearing to teach me a lesson. I am wondering how the brainless nincompoop thinks he can actually assault me and get away with it. He comes back and waves the weapon in my face I tell him you touch me you will see. We do the “who will blink first” for a few tense seconds my sister was terrified. Then a lady I think one of the non teaching staff members tells me
"You are embarrassing your sister"
I have been too busy getting embarrassed of being embarrassed to stand up for what I believe in. You know the lady in me should always keep her peace no matter what inhumane treatment you are being subjected to. I believe in letting rip, when someone to whom I relate on a very impersonal level behaves way out of line, and expects me to be civil about it, they have something else coming.
My inner cave woman had a field day on that day. The first item on the list for self defense us cave women is


[drums roll please]


Our powerful, shrill vocal chords.
If you are not within reach of effective missiles like pots, pans and cooking sticks your voice is the most effective.

In my entire life I have never been in a fight with a man. None of the men I am acquainted with has ever laid a finger on me so basically I do not find it appropriate to engage in duels with the unfair sex. (School teachers do not count here).The only dueling I do is verbal.

The poor man was torn between covering my mouth (and his a*s in the process) and just standing there confused. He would have had a lot of explaining to do as I do know people who have dreamt together with people very high up.
Though still I wonder what explanation he had up his sleeve for manhandling a totally harmless woman. I am truly ashamed for not behaving in a ladylike manner then, but I do not think I was offered any choice here.

Women's Day

AIN'T I A WOMAN?
by Sojourner Truth

Delivered 1851 at the Women's Convention in Akron, Ohio
Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere.
Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place!
And ain't I a woman?
Look at me! Look at my arm!
I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me!
And ain't I a woman?
I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman?
I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me!
And ain't I a woman?
Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey.
What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights?
If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman!
Where did your Christ come from?
Where did your Christ come from?
From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say



To me, nothing captures the spirit of an ordinary woman as this fiery speech. We have made progress but I need to do more, you need to do more. We all need to do more . More than attend seminars , workshops and discussions. Make a woman you know glad to be one. Treat her well, respect her, love her, thank her for the efforts she makes out of her way to make our world a better place.
It could be your mother,wife,aunt, friend, daughter, grandmother, coworker or just a person you run into during the day. The little you do will go a long way into making the burden we bear much lighter.


Happy Women's Day!

COMPANY POLICIES

Eight monkeys are put in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder, leading to a bunch of bananas hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable. Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed,
set upon him and beat him up. Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing the obvious, but, undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder. All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why. However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder.

A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he's not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he's attacking the
new monkey.

One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

AND THAT'S HOW MANY COMPANY POLICIES & PROCEDURES GET ESTABLISHED

Now we know!! *smile*

Press Freedom

Dear President Kibaki
On March 2, 2006 government forces raided the headquarters and printing plant of the Standard Group. In addition to destroying equipment and newspapers, beating up innocent employees who were doing their part in building the nation, they shut down the KTN news station. This latest attack follows the jailing of three journalists from Standard Newspaper, attacks on Citizen Weekly, and ongoing harassment of journalists by government-sponsored forces.
I would urge you to
- condemn these attacks and to support freedom of the press.
-say something, anything at all on what you think about the Ministers you appointed equating your administration to a venomous snake which strikes on provocation.

**Please copy and paste a copy of this letter on your blog. You may alter the wording to suit your needs.

Cry My Beloved Kenya

IS THIS WHAT WE VOTED FOR??????????