Mother's Day

This year’s mommy’s day I would like to honor a woman whose ilk is rarely mentioned in a positive light.

My mother in law.
*Just google that and tell me what you find. *

Yes I know there will be collective gasps all around but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart the one I give this title has been anything but evil. She has been a blessing and gone out of her way to make my journey with her beloved son easier. She is not perfect and neither am I but our imperfections have been a source of laughter and not conflict. For one she has a temper like hurricane Katrina and once she is on fire the best thing for you to do is stay out of her way. Her fingers itch to grab her sons and by extension us her daughters in law, and give them a whopping they surely deserve once in a while. Then she remembers that the cane no longer has any role in a grown man’s life and sighs in relief. Corporal punishment does require a lot of energy.

My mom in law got married at the age of 16 (those days it was Ok to do so) unfortunately she got widowed some 12 years after that so at my present age she was responsible for the upbringing of seven (!) boys. Without the benefit of higher education that I have and most of the time take for granted, she saw all of them through school.
I think she did a terrific job as I have met all of them and they turned out right, especially with the one I ended up with who makes my heart skip several beats most of the time. On this one she must have given an extra dose of whatever it is mothers pass on to their sons. For this I shall be eternally grateful.
I am crossing my fingers and all limbs possible that we shall continue on that same road of enriching each other's lives.

Happy Mommy’s Day to you and be blessed.

My two cents worth to daughters in law, current and prospective.

• 
  How would you improve your relationship with her?
  For starters always remember she is not, will never be and does not want to be your mother. Your mother will always forgive you when you trip and not take it to heart and you mother knows you inside out. At times, even better than you know yourself. Your mother in law does not have this connection with you and like any other relationship you need to work on it. It does not hurt to be very respectful and no matter how backward you might find her ways- most of the while you will- let her be.
• 
  Set boundaries. There are some that do not know where her role stops and yours starts. It is up to you together with your man to agree on what you are comfortable with regarding things like family get-togethers which might be hell, to her visiting you or you visiting her and stuff like that. There is always a middle ground for all of you. Key is communication.
  Never, ever involve her in your fights with her son no matter how tempting this might be unless it is a matter of life and death and even in this case you may only ask for advice without cutting her son to pieces. Remember this is her child on whom you are bestowing those colorful names.
• 
  Involve her in your life. One of the hardest things for her to deal with at whatever moment you meet her son would be being relegated to second place in his life. Most mothers would rather die than admit this but they need their children to need them. I know I do. When the daughter in law comes in the fear is she is no longer of use to him now and will fight to retain the hold. Do go out your way to make her feel needed. Send her photos regularly, call her just to see how she is doing and remind that man to do the same. I can tell you authoritatively that the males are useless at keeping communication flowing with the parents mostly limited to ‘what do you need done, mom?’ So her fear is genuine. If possible pay her a visit and a little bribery here will not hurt. A little espionage on her likes and dislikes then spoil her rotten. Even the vilest woman warms up to such gestures. She might not even say thank you but you will hear it from some other source. When the grandchildren come, make maximum use of her. Ask for advice; you will be so surprised at her input. And once in a while dump the little ones at her place for an afternoon pretending to have no baby sitter and let them run her ragged. She will complain but enjoy herself immensely.
  
• Finances. It would be possible that before you decided to take her son away he would send her money to support her or maybe he was living with the parents and made a substantial contribution to their upkeep. If he did, go out of your way to keep it the same if you can afford it. Most of the animosity is centered on money.
• 
  Treat her like your mother. Yes a contradiction with point number one. Do treat her like you would your mother with respect and lots of love. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. And while you are at it, work on your attitude, expect her to be good and she will be.
  
  It would be probable that after bending over backwards to accommodate your mom in law there is no progress towards a relationship within a 20km radius of being friendly. In this case pray and limit one on one contact to ten minutes at a time.
  
  Happy Mothers Day to you!