On meeting THE ONE.....

......a.k.a Intra Terrestrial (IT) and other tales.
There comes a time in every woman's life when all the fairy tales she has been fed from birth till THAT certain age come home to roost. She will as a result exhibit all the behavior of someone searching for the elusive El Dorado.
Having come to this age and successfully concluded that it was all a sham; after all and All men are DOGS, yours truly was on the verge of embarking on a preaching career on the same subject when IT (see above) happened.
I am still marveling at what occurred to me with my eyes fully open.
Quote " Kuna watu na kuna Viatu" end quote
I was innocently doing my best with what the dear Man or Woman upstairs had given me. A normal working day little did I know that my life would change terribly.
You might say for the better but then change is never easy. I am a person of strictly boring habits e.g I have to make my bed with hospital corners and I cannot bring myself to rest if there are lumps and ridges on the same. So gaining a sleeping mate in the process of all this caused untold grief as the said bedmate did not see the sense of making a bed only to sleep in it again.
I remember the moment vividly.
Have you ever met somebody who made the rest of the world disappear?
In a few seconds
I saw my fate written,
on the wall
when HIS eyes
bore into mine
and saw through my soul
though he spoke not
I heard
we belong together.
And I responded I know I have to see you again.
again
and again

I know how it feels at that precise moment when your eyes and the eyes of the cobra about to spit into your eyes and render you blind, meet.
There is total paralysis; no fear just calm acceptance. Ce que sera, sera; what will be, shall be.
When you meet that which you knew was coming all along and you stretch your heart out to receive it, with humility as it is due you.
The rest is history. I had erroneously believed that a man who loves you will court you for a while taking his time to know you, this one said just once " I know" and somehow I believed him.
Funny HE is the opposite of the aforesaid fairy tale induced images cannot cook to save his life; belongs to Old school not the brutish women are children one but takes everything I say and do with a pinch of salt as I am a very volatile and frivolous person.
HE is my true north; my reference point the one I run my crazy ideas by as he listens patiently with a raised eyebrow then tells me "looking at you no one can tell you are a mad woman."
I look forward to growing old with him though he insists he is already there; to sitting on the porch watching the sun set and recycling stories starting "you remember when the bed broke in ....." now that is as story for another day as it was as embarassing as it was funny,
I know for sure I would do anything for him -excluding sharing the remote control and other things-I would follow him to the end of the world if need be,
So do I love him yes, lust after him terribly , and am not sure how the two mutually exclusive states are here but who says I have to know everything. Some amount of ignorance is blissfully necessary.
In two days we celebrate 6 years together 6.5 years since we first set eyes on each other and I am wondering what advice will I give to my daughter about men. I remember being told a 2-4 year courtship is not a bad thing but here I am with no example to show, meet a man and in six months you are married to him.
When I told my mother about him- I had been wondering how to broach this as she was surely going to throw a tantrum or two- she told me
"I can tell, my baby. God speed! Only a good man can make a woman glow like that. "
I realized this woman IS truly wise. She saw me from day one how would I think I could hide something so momentous from her?
So if any day you meet a woman who grins stupidly early in the morning even in the Nairobi winter that is me!Happy anniversary to I. and myself
*whispering* no! am not schizophrenic

Subject: If A Man Wants U

Some mail doing rounds, stikes me as a serious rant.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year! later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing! all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!)
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others. Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.
You are not in a committed relationship until he says that you are.


Snippets
To sit alone in the lamplight with a book spread out before you, and hold intimate converse with men of unseen generations--such is a pleasure beyond compare. -Kenko Yoshida, essayist (1283-1352)

Father’s Day

Now I know officially that father’s day is the second Sunday of the month. Of course I did not know because the calendars and company I keep, mention no such things.

There are lots of people I know; whose relationship with their fathers is based on I want /need… and nothing else. This unfortunate turn of affairs came forth from the idea passed on through generations that children were to be seen and not heard, leave alone spoken to. Plenty of these children turned out alright by the grace of God and are now the leaders in their particular professions. They saw the light and decided to see, hear and speak to their children.

My father belongs to the category of children who never raised a voice of dissent in the direction of their male parent and his circle. This circle was composed of siblings; extended siblings and age set members.These were the good old days when children were treated as such and allowed to be. Members of the circle referred to as father whether they were directly related to the child or not. Thus the future father had a lot of mentors to pick from in the unfortunate case that the biological parent was not anything to write home about.

I love my father. And I love my mother but in totally different ways. You see my mother accepts me on as-is- where-is basis. More that anything I want my father to be proud of me; it is my way of telling him I love you.

Now that I am a parent my self I see the different ways the children relate to the two of as. I am the one who wipes the tears and soothes the hurts. Daddy gets the first hugs if both of us walk into the house at the same time; and is told of all the events that have taken place in our absence before mummy is noticed then she too is covered in kissed and hugs and little fingers all over her.

I think from the many intense moments a mother shares with her baby; from birth to sitting up, teething; going to school; my mother is the cheering squad the one I know always watches and prays that all goes well. I was always assured of her loyalty towards me and acceptance no matter what the outcome of my actions. She would surely wring my intestines dry if I did something wrong but she would not let anyone cut me down because I did something wrong.

My father would be the coach in this setting. The one who guides my steps; who’s been there and would be terribly disappointed if I let him down.

A lot is said about a girl and her father and his influence on her relationships with the opposite sex. I got married to a man terribly similar to my dad it’s scary; and I did not notice till someone commented so there is some truth here.
If I called my father now and told him I love you he would probably have a heart attack or something like that; in our truly African setting we have not reached there.
Neither have I ever heard him tell any of us or even my mother in our presence that he loves her so this complicates how to express our sincere feelings in words. But I do now more than ever because I have flown the nest experienced a little of the world out there on my own, tried and tested his advise to me as his child. He was right all along.

Daddy I love you and happy Father’s Day to one of the best I know.

Memory loss

I think I am growing old. I am not sure when this deathly realization came to me but it seems my memory fails me more regularly than before and will sure land me in trouble. The other day I ran into one of my lecturers on campus and could not for the life of me remember what his name was.

This was funny considering I remember my entire classmates in primary one (this is kedo 20 years ago). I skipped nursery/ kindergarten/preschool whatever it is called now. Faces I do not forget ever. Actually I have to see you just once maybe for an hour or so and I will remember 2 months later that I saw you. Now the name is a totally different story
This has proved terribly embarrassing for example when I meet someone and I am in the company of anther etiquette demands I introduce the two to each other.
C. Meet em... ah.. what was you name again? sorry you have to remind me you name; then later in the day I will remember the particular characters three full names. The damage is done and the person having read somewhere that memory is selective will conclude that I do not find him/her important and erase me off the contact list.

And I'm not thirty YET!

Snippets
A matatu driver is stooped by a cop for playing loud music. NB the speakers are on full blast the passengers are not complaining though.
Cop: Mbona unacheza musiki kwa sauti kubwa hivyo.
Driver: Hiyo si muziki. Ni kiss! (KISS FM Nairobi)
Cop: Haya enda!

Are you in love, lusting or married?

Read through this list and smiled;

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.

It is wonderful to be me and if you are not me you know what you are missing

I read this sad story with a lot of anger in my heart.
That one has lost all hope of living well in their motherland and resolved to fly in the cold underbelly of a plane. The African in me understands very well where this person is coming from and why they chose this sad route out.
Then some one makes a comment to drive my blood pressure up.
Ati "I am very glad I live where I do, so I don't have to run for my life like this man probably was doing," Ms Hearne said, AP reports.
Somebody just lost his life and this is the best you can do in form of a commentary. For your information he was not probably running for his life he was running for a better life (his).

I think this is the general attitude America has towards the rest of the world. They are; therefore we are not.
Pharisees and Saducees all over again.

They are padding their small cocoon forgetting that we share this planet. They have shamelessly supported despots to destroy our beloved continent; manufactured arms and WMDs while pretending Saddam did; (OK they are not the only ones but I am feeling particularly anti-American today); continue to think that if you give aid to Africa they will stop being poor; while at the same time block their goods from being sold in your markets; import our raw materials and sell the finished goods back to us; slap travel advisories whenever you feel like; expect us to support them till death do us part and threaten to withhold aid if we don’t.
The carrot and the stick. I am sure we can do without aid and we can pay the amount we owe already if Daudi and co. make up their mind to.

There was a time KTN did a feature on the beggars in the streets of Nairobi and I was shocked to learn that they earn more than I do for the 5X8X25 hours I put in every month. So do you think if you gave them KES 1,000,000.00 they would come off the street? Same thing for aid and Africa.

Humans are basically inclined to laziness. That is why hard work had to be elevated to a virtue in order to make it an attractive endeavor AND rewarded handsomely to motivate you and I. It works but that is story for another day.
To counter Mrs. Hernia above "Either the United States will destroy ignorance, or ignorance will destroy the United States" W.E.B Du Bois

Abortion

Some time back an unfortunate watchman guarding a church stumbled upon the grisly remains of unborn babies next to his workplace. The story made headline news the next day and the debate raged. There were calls, cries, condemnations, ceremonies accusations and counter-accusations. Fingers were pointed, names named and a few stones turned and others unturned.
The incident occurred on the route I normally use to get to work. Like most Nairobians I had left the house at an ungodly hour and was not aware of the goings-on until we got to the scene. There was a huge traffic jam for reasons unknown since the scene was not on the road and normally traffic should not be have stopped. The drivers were craning their necks left right and centre and passengers were out doing each other in jostling for the nearest window for the best view. Situations like these give total strangers ample opportunity to converse with and at each other.
I happened to be sitting next to a respectable looking man who immediately launched some serious vitriol on all descendants of Eve. That was the common feeling among the crowd as abortion is something ONLY women do. I instinctively held back my retort “it takes two to tango!” as I am sure there was neither the moment nor the place to have an objective debate on the pros and cons of abortion.
So, should we legalize abortion on any grounds? I think this is where we missed the boat.
The fact that I have to resort to abortion as a woman means I have weighed the choices I have. I probably weighed the choices I had pre conception and apparently made the wrong one therefore I am making a wrong choice once again to right it.
And do not do the morality bit here because a whole heap of us are having sex. Ruthlessly so!!
Why is everyone so quick to do the “abortion is murder” thing before thinking twice?
The issue here is lack of knowledge. Not the school thing though it help a whole lot but knowing what my body is made up of, what it is capable of and how to take care of it.
There was a debate once on whether or not to have sex education in the school syllabus and how much was appropriate. Once again fingers were pointed parents and teachers accusing each other of neglecting their roles and someone suggested tongue in cheek that church leaders should take over. I can imagine priests giving sex education after mass!
There’s a nice book Train up a Child by Nancy Van Pelt that would have given some sound advice to those finger pointers. Sex education starts from birth. Sexuality is a core part of being human a girl or boy provides a foundation for being what you are to the outside world. The word sex is both a verb AND noun.
We tend to concentrate on the verb more hence the vitriol from my fellow passenger in the bus and nasty terms like
“Malaya hawa”,
" wanawake ni mashetani hata ukiwaona wamekimya sasa pengine huyo ni mtoto wake”
Apparently it is only “loose women” and prostitutes who have abortions.
Why? Because they are pregnant.
Who made them pregnant? Cain the son of Adam not us; god fearing citizens of Kenya.

A cabinet minister was once caught red handed on K-street and denied thus “I am a church elder I would not have done such a thing” puhleeeezzz!!!!

So the way forward (a much used term these days meaning zilch, jack, zero) would be to educate men, boys, girl and women on the choices to make. Every time you have sex there is a chance that the act would result in a miniature of you or your partner in 40 weeks or so. There is also a possibility that you could contract a myriad of infections some that are only found in medical journals that would ruin your life or kill you. There are ways of making preventing either of the two situations arising. Abstaining or protecting oneself always.

And NO; contary to folk medicine lack of sex does not cause back aches.

a thot

You can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what isrunning inside you. -Rwandan Proverb